One way that relationship partners express positive regard – a key variable in relationship success – is through compliments. However, some people are unable to perceive positive regard through compliments. We hypothesized that low self-esteem (LSE) individuals’ relatively negative self-theories conflict with the positive information conveyed in compliments. Hence, LSEs’ self-verification motives (e.g., Swann, 1997, 2012) may lead LSEs to reject the positive implications of compliments. In an initial study, we demonstrated that LSEs (vs. high self-esteem individuals; HSEs) feel greater self-related concerns and negative affect after receiving compliments, which leads them to devalue those compliments. Drawing on theories of mental construal (e.g., Libby, Valenti, Pfent, & Eibach, 2011), we reasoned that the remedy for such self-theory-driven processes is to adopt a concrete (vs. abstract) mindset: LSEs should be less likely to apply their relatively negative self-theories when they process compliments in a concrete mindset. Across three studies, we used diverse methods to induce participants to experience either a concrete or abstract mindset, and asked them to recall (Studies 2 and 3) or imagine (Study 4) a partner’s compliment. We then assessed their perceptions of their partners’ regard. Results confirmed that the discrepancy in LSEs’ and HSEs’ perceptions of positive regard following a compliment from their romantic partners was significantly reduced when a concrete mindset was induced compared to when an abstract mindset (or no mindset, Study 4) was induced.

Some people cannot take a compliment. Contrary to their intended effect, compliments make such people feel uncomfortable and evoke their pre-existing selfdoubts. Failing to accept others’ praise is especially problematic in close relationships, because exchanging compliments is a key means by which partners convey positive regard for one another, and feeling positively regarded by one’s partner is an essential ingredient for relationship satisfaction (Murray, Bellavia, Roese, & Griffin, 2003). In the current research, we propose that people with low self-esteem (LSEs) are especially likely to have difficulty accepting compliments and that the reason why LSEs have this problem is that the positive information conveyed in a compliment is too discrepant from LSEs’ self-theories. We also propose a solution to this problem, drawing on literature on the psychology of construal (e.g., Trope & Liberman, 2010), that may not only allow LSEs to accept compliments and feel better about themselves, but also to make their close relationships more fulfilling.